30 Days of Blogging...Day 18 (01.03.11)

POST ONE CONFESSION/SECRET.

Ummmmmmmmmmmmm.............

I never met my first boyfriend. I met him online, fell in love with him, but never got the chance to meet him.

30 Days of Blogging...Day 17 (01-02-11)

BULLET YOUR WHOLE DAY.

• woke up at 7:00 and went to mass at 8:30 with my parents, older sister, and niece
• ate Menudo and quesadillas at my parent's house til about 10:20
• at 10:40 picked up my niece and went shopping to Big Lots
• 12:15 went to Ross and didn't buy clothes (I was so proud of myself)
• 1:20 went to CVS pharmacy
• got home around 2:00 and put away purchases
• started a load of laundry around 2:30
• around 3:00 began sweeping, moping, and taking out trash
• 5:00 fed the cats
• ate chalupas with my parents at around 5:30
• picked up laundry from parent's dryer around 6:30
• began watching Watchmen on tv around 7:00
• went to pick up some Church's chicken for Hector around 7:50
• got back home and showered at around 8:30
• turned on my heater and turned on my computer around 9:00
• checked facebook and blogger around 9:20
• 9:42 pm to be exact in this moment, finishing this blog entry

30 Days of Blogging...Day 16 (01.01.11)

WRITE ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP STATUS

Well, this is a difficult question to tackle. Officially I am single, and have been single since around march 2010. Since then I have been seeing this one guy on and off again. We can go many days as if we were an actual couple, but then again we can also go several days without seeing each other or even talking to each other. See, we have never been anything official, so it's easy to just walk away sometimes. But because we have known each other for so long now, the longest any one of us has ever been talking to anyone else, there is undoubtedly some feelings present. At the beginning, we were both very honest and said we didn't want a serious relationship. But now, after all we have been through, I feel more attached to him than ever. I have even told him this, and still...he wants nothing. Or so he says. Everytime I go out or receive texts/calls from another guy, he gets jealous and wants to know every detail. And same with me, I admitedly get jealous when he talks to other girls.

This whole situation has made it hard for me to live a regular single life. I feel guilty everytime I have a date or hang out with someone else. I feel like I am cheating, even though we are not together. I care about him, and I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I don't want to get hurt either. Its un-healthy and I know it.


I think it would all be good again, if I just go back to being completely single. No more games with this guy. I need to slowly figure out what I am going to do. It's a new year, and I need to focus more on me rather than put so much emphasis on how lonely I am without him. I am ok with being alone for a while. If anything it would help me empower myself to think that I don't need a man in my life to make me feel happy.

30 Days of Blogging...Day 15 (12.31.10)

WRITE ABOUT SOMETHING YOU WORRY ABOUT A LOT.

I worry alot about alot of things. I'm somewhat of a worry wart. But most often than not, I worry about my financial security and what others think about me.

I had a scare this holiday season and my debit card was denied for lack of funds. AHHH thank God I had some cash on me. But that was soooo embarassing. That is why one of my new years resolution is to watch what I spend my money on and try to save as much as I can. It really would be a plus to see a bigger amount in my bank account.

Secondly, and I hate to admit this, but I do worry about what others think of me. I spent so many years without recieving any form of positive attention from anyone that I was sort of craving it for a while, and when I started to get some, It made me even more conscious of myself. I am always thinking, why doesn't anyone talk to me, or do I look approachable and nice. I suppose this is when I began wearing make up and doing my hair, just trying to look good when I can. It isn't a bad thing to take care of yourself, but I am trying to work on being comfortable in my bare skin without the added decoratory aspects.

30 Days of Blogging...Day 14 (12.30.10)

POST YOUR FAVORITE BOOK, FAVORITE MOVIE, FAVORITE BAND, AND FAVORITE FOOD.

Favorite Book:

sadly I haven't read enough books to say I am ga ga over any one book.

Favorite Movie:

Lord of the Rings trilogy just because I loved the whole story and mixture of fantasy creatures and beings and magical possibilites/powers with a story of human struggle and overcoming obstacles and fighting for what you believe in. LOL

(I know I am a dork)

Favorite Band:

At the moment, it is My Chemical Romance because I have been a fan since their first album and I love how every single album has been different. The songs are always full of energy and sang with full emotion. LOL. Yes, I'm an ex-emo kid.

Favorite Food:

For some reason, I just love love love chips and salsa. Especially the Guacamole salsa that my mom makes.. soo delicious LOL

30 Days of Blogging...Day 13 (retro-back 12.29.10)

WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR THE FUTURE? FAR AND NEAR

Well in the near future, I plan on working my butt off at work and saving my money and not spending it recklessly on items I don't need. I have learned from my holiday overspending and am decided to save up. I've put too much importance on the instant gratification of shopping and I am working on controlling that. LOL. Its a work in progress though.

In the far future, I plan to have 2 major responsibilities. School and a Relationship. I really do want to go back to school for something, so I hope to maybe be doing that sometime in the future. I also want to have found a special someone who I can spend my life with. Right now I don't have anything long term in my life, but that is ok because I am still working on improving myself. But it would be really nice to have someone to love and support you.

New Years Resolution

Welll...I am a very indecisive person and often get stuck in situations or in making life decisions. I think that is where I have been for a long time. Stuck in my current job, and stuck in my current relationship status.

I have always said my job was temporary, but it has become quite the heavy rock on my shoulders. I think I have settled for that job and just given up on any future advances in education. I like what I do, its easy and pays well. I just don't wanna be stuck in a job that I hate. Or if I do, I wanna be ok with that choice. I want to look into going back to college or taking some weekend classes if available. I just need to do something more, or at least accept my position.

I'm still sometimes seeing my past flame, even though we are currently not, nor have we ever been anything official. But there are still some feelings there, even though we both try to hide it from the other. It's obvious when he gets jealous of me going out with a guy friend, and I admit I have also been jealous of his girl friends. Hopefully this new year will have more clarity what we want out of this "thing" we have. I wonder if it's truly possible to stay friends with someone you have feelings for. Hopefully 2011 will shed some clarity into this situation.

I just want to be confident in my decisions and make the right decisions for me. I want to be happy and self confident in who I am. That's what I want for 2011.