Sorry for all these drama-filled blog entries, but I really have no one else who I can talk to and vent to. Even if it is just to my imaginary blog friends, and Maria (I really think your the only one who reads this stuff) but writing about it helps.
Anyways...so this guy friend I have been seeing has repeatedly told me that we are not a couple and how I shouldn't be jealous of him talking about other girls or wanting to meet other girls. Jealousy is a natural emotion that is evoked in me when I hear about him and how he liked some chick at the park. But I swallow my pride and ignore my jealousy and just march on as if all is well. Last night, I met this guy online and he seems really cool and easy to talk to. After a while of talking online on cam on stickam.com, we exchanged numbers to keep in touch. This evening, he was texting me and then a few minutes later my guy friend (lets call him Mr. H) came over to my place and we had turned on the tv and sat on the bed. A few minutes later my new online guy friend (lets call him Mr. D) calls me up. I had told Mr. H that he might call but that we are just new friends getting to know each other. Guy friend Mr. H was watching a soccer game and a spanish novela so I thought I could take the call while he was watching tv. I was on the phone for like 9 minutes with new online friend Mr. D when suddenly Mr. H got up and left. I even hung up on my friend Mr. D and chased after Mr. H grabbing his arm and asking what's wrong and for him not to leave. He just jerked his arm and told me not to touch him and for me to continue talking to my friend Mr. D, and left.
This left me confused, disappointed, sad, and angry. Why the double standard? It is ok for him to talk about other girls and tell me not to ever get jealous, yet I talk to a guy friend and he displays jealously. Yes I made the mistake of talking for so long, but I think he over reacted by storming out. I even felt stupid chasing after Mr. H, but I really didn't want him to think I didn't want him there. It hurts to think that I hurt him and his ego and made him feel unwanted. But at least now he knows how I sometimes feel when he talks about other girls. But I don't like to play games and I don't really know what to do from here. Do I continue to chase him or give him time to process things. To make matters worst, I called back new online friend Mr. D soon afterward to apologize for hanging up and explained the situation and went on to talk about our lives and stuff for nearly an hour. I like new friend Mr. D but just as friends for now. I barely know him but I really did lose track of time and rambled a bit about stuff, much like I am doing now.
In conclusion, I know I screwed up by being on the phone for so long with someone of the opposite sex while Mr. H was over at my place. I admit that fault. I also probably shouldn't have called Mr. D back. If Mr. H finds out I called Mr. D back, he would probably end whatever relationship we have, and that scares me. I do care about Mr. H and I know I did him wrong. I am also mad at myself for allowing myself to lose control of my feelings. The feminist side of me is upset that this man Mr. H has such an effect on me. The sad lonely girl in me doesn't want to see him go. And yet another part of me is happy I called the new friend back. I know I can't have my cake and eat it too. LOL I don't know if that saying is appropriate but yeah....I want to pursue a friendship with Mr. D but still keep Mr. H around for awhile longer. Perhaps that is selfish of me :/
Anyways...so this guy friend I have been seeing has repeatedly told me that we are not a couple and how I shouldn't be jealous of him talking about other girls or wanting to meet other girls. Jealousy is a natural emotion that is evoked in me when I hear about him and how he liked some chick at the park. But I swallow my pride and ignore my jealousy and just march on as if all is well. Last night, I met this guy online and he seems really cool and easy to talk to. After a while of talking online on cam on stickam.com, we exchanged numbers to keep in touch. This evening, he was texting me and then a few minutes later my guy friend (lets call him Mr. H) came over to my place and we had turned on the tv and sat on the bed. A few minutes later my new online guy friend (lets call him Mr. D) calls me up. I had told Mr. H that he might call but that we are just new friends getting to know each other. Guy friend Mr. H was watching a soccer game and a spanish novela so I thought I could take the call while he was watching tv. I was on the phone for like 9 minutes with new online friend Mr. D when suddenly Mr. H got up and left. I even hung up on my friend Mr. D and chased after Mr. H grabbing his arm and asking what's wrong and for him not to leave. He just jerked his arm and told me not to touch him and for me to continue talking to my friend Mr. D, and left.
This left me confused, disappointed, sad, and angry. Why the double standard? It is ok for him to talk about other girls and tell me not to ever get jealous, yet I talk to a guy friend and he displays jealously. Yes I made the mistake of talking for so long, but I think he over reacted by storming out. I even felt stupid chasing after Mr. H, but I really didn't want him to think I didn't want him there. It hurts to think that I hurt him and his ego and made him feel unwanted. But at least now he knows how I sometimes feel when he talks about other girls. But I don't like to play games and I don't really know what to do from here. Do I continue to chase him or give him time to process things. To make matters worst, I called back new online friend Mr. D soon afterward to apologize for hanging up and explained the situation and went on to talk about our lives and stuff for nearly an hour. I like new friend Mr. D but just as friends for now. I barely know him but I really did lose track of time and rambled a bit about stuff, much like I am doing now.
In conclusion, I know I screwed up by being on the phone for so long with someone of the opposite sex while Mr. H was over at my place. I admit that fault. I also probably shouldn't have called Mr. D back. If Mr. H finds out I called Mr. D back, he would probably end whatever relationship we have, and that scares me. I do care about Mr. H and I know I did him wrong. I am also mad at myself for allowing myself to lose control of my feelings. The feminist side of me is upset that this man Mr. H has such an effect on me. The sad lonely girl in me doesn't want to see him go. And yet another part of me is happy I called the new friend back. I know I can't have my cake and eat it too. LOL I don't know if that saying is appropriate but yeah....I want to pursue a friendship with Mr. D but still keep Mr. H around for awhile longer. Perhaps that is selfish of me :/
(sorry if the Mr. H and Mr. D references are confusing...I lack creativity)
