Today on the Yahoo front page, I saw this article written by Rich Santos for Marie Claire magazine about "The 10 deadliest conversation sins" (check it out at http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/sex/the-10-deadliest-conversation-sins-803207)
In it, it says how these following habits can "doom a relationship" and I have to be honest that I am guilty of some of these. Tisk Tisk Tisk
1) "Conversation Hijacking"
The Hijacker always tries to one-up the other person trying to make their story better and belittle your story. Example :"you think that's funny, let me tell you this". Its horrible but Im guilty of this. I have tried to follow someone else's story with one of my own, but just with the intention of continuing the conversation, not to top their story. Of coarse I want them to listen to my story too, but I dont want them to feel like they were being dominated, so this is something I need to work on.
2) "Eye Contact Issues"
Good eye contact during a conversation is always important. I am kinda bipolar in this area. I am either looking right into your eyes for an uncomfortable amount of time or always looking at other objects around the person themselves. I need to balance these 2 out and give a good balance of eye contact.
3) "Ghost Listening"
This is when you cant hear or dont fully understand what the other person is saying, that you have to repeately ask them to repeat what they just said. Then after a while, you still dont know what was said and you just give a vauge answer. I am sooo guilty of this too. Im usually having to say "what?" "what did you say?" "huh?" then if I still dont know what was said, Ill be like "ohh yeah" or give a lil smile or change the subject. So bad, I know.
4) "Making Tasteless Jokes"
Using inappropriate or obnoxious jokes in the wrong kind of situation. I am again guilty of this. I dont use foul language or use naughty words, but what I say can sometimes be taken as flirty/pervy/inapproriate sometimes. I can have a wierd sense of humor sometimes and it can be kinda awkward when the other person doesnt know that about you.
5) "Shameless Self Promotion"
When people try hard to make themselves seem accomplished or name-drop people they know, just to make a good impression. I dont have many accomplishments so I dont do this much.
6) "ME, ME, ME"
This type of person can go on and on about themselves and puts much focus on their stories, all while shrinking the importance of the other person's story. I have caught myself doing this when the conversation begins to die down. Its easier to just talk about yourself and your experiences. I dont think I do this often, primarily because I dont like having too much attention on me, but if Im ever guilty of this please PLEASE let me know cause I hate doing it!
7) "My Name is Negativity"
Basically like a Debbie Downer who always has bad things to say or talks negatively about themselves or how their lives are non-eventful. Ok, I have been called out on this before. They used to call me EMO-girl cause I would always be so doom and gloom. I can be like "Ohh work sucks" "I have no life" or just making fun of myself. This is ok to break the ice, but on a limited basis so this is something I gotta work on to improve.
8) "Dead End Answering"
Answering questions with a simple "yes" or "no" and can quickly kill a conversation. I can understand how this is a quick convo killer, and I am realizing that I have dont this before, especially if I am already nervous or uncomfortable.
9) "Word Machine"
Kinda the opposite of the Dead End Answerer, this type of person likes to talk alot. I am again guilty of this, especially if its a topic that I feel strongly about. I tend to ramble on about random stuff sometimes, but at least I sometimes realize it and stop LOL...key work SOMETIMES. Hence why I ramble in conversations and why I blog...to vent and rant to who ever is willing to listen (or in this case read) LOL
10) "'I only Read Us Weeky, OR Russian Literature"
A girl who either can only talk about pop culture or a book worm who likes to talk about literature and such. Im not much of a reader so I wouldn't be the intelligent literature analyst, but if you ever wanna talk about Lady Gaga's style I'm your girl ;) LOL Im just more of a common everyday lazy gal that watches tv and listens to current radio. I admire those who love to have intelligent conversations, but I dont like to be made to feel stupid around them.
So there you go, those are my reactions/confessions to these 10 so-called conversation NO NOs. Its kinda interesting to read through this list and realize how many of them I actually do. I feel more tuned into what I actually do. I will definetly be more aware of these and try to work at correcting them so that my conversations become more equally balanced and will improve in quality...hopefully!
Is anyone as bad as I????
Interesting article, but I have to say that I very much disagree with some of them. For one, I think that if you have to censor yourself around someone or present a "light" version of youself, then that person will never really get to know the real you, and therefore can never truly appreciate and love the real you. This is not to say that when I meet someone I'm this obstuse vulgar woman, but if it's someone that I want as my friend, then I'm more of myself. And myself is kind of weird. I have a very dark sense of humor and I make inappriate jokes all the time and I do hog the conversation occasionally, but that's bound to happen. Like you said, if you're passionate about it, then you will have a lot to say.
ReplyDeleteI think I do almost all of these. I mean when someone talks about literature, that's like my thing. Well politics too, but I try not to go there because it's something that actually matters so I get carried away. But in my defense I read both CNN and People.
So to wrap up my super long (hijacking-style) comment, I just want to say that what might seem to one person an obnoxious tasteless joke, to someone else might be the perfect ice breaker.