I'm still here :)

WOW I didn't even realize so much time had passed by since I last wrote on here. I kinda lost my inpiration for writing and I became lazy to even try. I still am very hessitant but ohh well. I guess it is a good form of venting and saying stuff you probably wouldn't have a chance to say otherwise.

If anyone is interested, I am still with my boyfriend from earlier this year. It's been 6 months and going on 7 very soon. This is oficially the longest relationship I have ever been in! LOL It sounds like I'm a player and I only keep short term relationships but if you read from when I started this blog, I wasn't much of a dater. I still don't know what he sees in me lol but whatever it is, let's hope he continues to like it. I love him very much and I am quite happy when I am with him. Of coarse we have our turbulent moment, but that's all they are...moments. Nothing major or disturbing...that I know of LoL. I think it is normal for a couple to argue and have rough patches to work through. Otherwise it would be fake because no one is perfect...no one!

Anyways, other than that, life is much the same. I have been submitting resumes and I even got an initial interview and a follow up interview this morning for a customer service representative at a Diabetes Education department of the University Health System here in town. This morning's interview didn't go so well I think. My mouth was so dry and I was stumblilng on my own words and repeating myself. I know I don't have the experience with the system they use but ohh well. They said it would take a while for human resources department to contact the applicants with a decision. All I can do is wait in despair lol. I'm not giving my hopes up, but if a miracle happens, then that could mean I'm finally working on developing a career and not just a job like what I have now. Crossing my fingers for good news!

evolving LOVE

As boring as I may be coming off...somehow I got someone to actually be interested in me. And for this I am grateful LOL. My new relationship is the only thing worth talking about as of late. I have been with Josh for 1.5 months now and he is absolutely amazing. I know it is risky to say to soon but I love him with all my heart. I was very cautious and slow to respond when he told me he loved me, but it felt good when I finally did say it back. He is the best guy I have ever been in a relationship with. He is such my opposite sometimes, but also a good match to my personality. We compliment each other well I think. And even with all my quirks and mannerisms, he still wants to be with me...absolutely amazing! I love spending time with him...even if it is just watching him detail his car. (and yes I actually spent a saturday afternoon doing that LOL)

Even though it has only technically been a few months since I've know him and only 1.5 months actually oficially together...It feels like I have been with him longer. We have done so much and crossed so many thresholds already...like going to various events, movies, meeting the friends, meeting each others parents, exploring restraunts, drinking margaritas, sitting down at a restraunt look at the menu and make an excuse to leave without ordering anything, getting our picture taken at some club and seeing our pic on their webpage, me going to see his performances when he plays with a jazz band or whatever gig he may have, spending days at his house, watching wrestling together, him taking me to his hometown nearby and showing me around, him letting me drive his Lexus, him spending the night at my place, waking up in each others arms. And what's yet to come...I don't really know, but I sure am happy and excited to see what is in store for us.


some of our pics....

This was during one of our earlier dates where we ended up at a random park late at night during a cold winter night.

At FYE trying out some Mario/Luigi hats

This was at a random trip to Michaels and we ended up in an aisle with boas...needless to say we ended up playing around with them and acting silly :)

This was at an event to benefit the Red Cross and it was at Club Rio. Yes they took our picture and it was among the many pics that were posted on the website. It was both creepy and cool to see LOL.

New relationship blooms

Ok, first let me start by saying that I am still seeing Josh and have since become an official item. In some ways we are very different. He is very social and outgoing and I am more quiet and reserved, but we have a blast together. Every outing is like its own little adventure, and he makes me laugh so much and so hard that my laugh lines get red and deep. Sooo unattractive lol but I can't help it.

We even have cute dumb nicknames for each other. We ate at Wendy's one night and he got 2 five pieces of spicy chicken nuggets cause they are so irresitable and tasty and unique LOL, soooooo I call him my Spicy Nugget! And he calls me his pan dulce (Mexican sweet breat) because I'm sweet and mexican and yummy and idk what else LOL.
SPICY NUGGET and PAN DULCE ya'll :)

We bacame an official couple a few weeks ago and even though we are still relatively new, I feel so comfortable with him and can just relax and be me. It may sound wierd but I even met his parents, by an unexpected opportunity, and he has met my parents and some of my family. I think we skipped ahead a few months before any family introductions LOL but it went well both times so maybe we are on the right track. I have yet to meet most of his friends but there is time for all that. There is still much for us to learn and explore. I think maybe it could become something very beautiful and special and I am looking forward to exploring those possibilities.

new development

Sooo..I've gone out with this new guy (greetings and salutations to Josh since I know you read this blog) and he's a very nice, sweet, funny, gentleman who treats me with respect. I didn't know such men still existed LOL. But it's cool because I think we have ALOT in common in some things, but also ALOT of differences in other things. Together we are like Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde. I'm very timid and shy and quiet and reserved in public while he's very social and loud and free and not timid at all. Instead of being at the extreme ends of social mannerisms, perhaps we can learn to meet somewhere inbetween. Hmm, that doesn't sound coherent but it makes sense to me LOL, so it works. I don't know what is to come or how it will continue, but that is part of the adventure. Exploring and discovering. I've learned alot about myself too, I'm quite blunt and can't take some stuff seriously sometimes. I joke alot when I'm nervous or if I'm trying to divert a conversation in another direction. When things get mushy I tend to change the subject or make jokes. The serious relationship stuff scares me, I think I am like a man in that perspective LOL.

But for now I am just enjoying the ride.

i have a blog?

DEAR BLOG DIARY...
I kind of abandoned you a month ago basically because I was too lazy to find stuff to write about. It really does help to just write about my issues sometimes. But since I don't normally include any photos or write about interesting things, I thought no one would even notice I stopped. And its true. But I signed in to the website and though I'd write today.
Sooooo....What's up? What's new? In summary...

I'm still single, still friends with that no committment-unappreciative-jealous-player guy, still working at the same doctor's office, still no friends to hang out with, still struggling with weight issue.

Granted, I have started going to a gym, but as often as I go, I'm not seeing any results. It's my fault too for falling to temptation with food items. But its hard to try and lose weight, but at least I'm trying right?

In regards to "that guy" who's always around, yeah I still see him every once in a while. He actually goes with me to the gym, but its more like I'm his ride there cause he doesn't have a car. Once there, we basically do our own thing and so I'm there left alone the whole time. I know he uses me for some things like that and I know he goes out and see other people, that's why I don't place any emotional value to our time together. In the past, I was really attached and jealous, but now it's like so what.

In regards to the single status...I went out with a new friend a few times, but it's too soon to put a label on it. I move at snail pace and I'm scared to really push for something I'm not sure I'm okay with. Valentine's Day came and went. I'm not gonna cry about not having a date, because I chose not to have a date. I had an offer but since it was with a new friend and I didn't want to have any of that added Vday pressure, I said no. Some of my online friends called me mean for doing that, but I was just doing what comes naturally to me. To close myself off and just deal with things on my own. I know that perfect guy isn't gonna ever find me if I'm closed off from the world, that's why I have at least tried accepting invitations. But it's a scary thing for me. It is the shy little girl in me that is holding me back. Another new guy friend who lives out of town, will be in my city the next few days and hopefully he will find time in his schedule for me. We met up for lunch last time he was in town, and I really enjoyed his company. Hopefully this time around, we can do it again. Only time will tell.

Until next time....

30 Days of Blogging...Day 30 (01.15.11)

WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'LL BE IN 5 YEARS?

In summary:

I will hopefully be healthy, have a stable job, and have a wonderful husband who I love and who loves me equally, and our own house in a safe neighborhood somewhere near my family. Don't think I'd have a child just yet but you never know.

30 Days of Blogging...Day 29 (01.14.11)

WRITE ABOUT ANY PARTICULAR HABITS/MANNERISMS THAT YOU HAVE.

I tend to be fidgety when I'm nervous or not sure what to do in a situation. I've been known to play with my earrings or my nails, and also bend straws or napkins or wooden stir sticks. Basically anything that is considered trash on the table LOL.

I also say "what" if the other person stares at me or looks at me without saying anything. I feel wierd when someone stares at me so I make it known by asking...WHAT?!

30 Days of Blogging...Day 28 (01/13/2011)

IF YOU HAD THREE WISHES, WHAT WOULD THEY BE?

1) For my family to have good health and to always be in my life.

2) World Peace. It sounds silly, but for real. The world has become a scary place to live in and I wish that one day it will be safe and harmonious for everyone.

3) For me to find that special someone who I can spend the rest of my days with in happiness, peace of mind, in complete trust and loyalty.

30 Days of Blogging...Day 27 (01.12.11)

WHERE IS SOMEWHERE YOU WOULD WANT TO VISIT?

I haven't gotten the opportunity to travel much in my life, but if I could travel freely and safely anywhere, I would want to go to Paris, Italy and Rome. I think the atmosphere there would be so sophisticated and romantic and beautiful. The architecture and the scenery and the history of it all is something I would like to experience one day.

30 Days of Blogging...Day 26 (01.11.11)

WRITE ABOUT YOUR BEST/FAVORITE KISS.

Well my most memorable kiss was with my first boyfriend. We had just eaten at a seafood restraunt and our breathe was....well fishy LOL. I chewed some gum but come on, that didn't help much. But nevertheless, we kissed, and it was a good kiss, but you can notice the fishy taste LOL. That was definetly the most memorable kiss just because it was so priceless.

30 Days of Blogging...Day 25 (01.10.11)

WRITE ABOUT YOUR FIRST KISS.

Well....actually the person I had my first kiss with, didn't know that it was my first kiss. It took place in a parking lot of the mall, LOL funny story actually. Anyways, I tried to play it cool, but I was really nervous. He actually kinda told me he was gonna kiss me, which made the anticipation heighten. It wasn't the best kiss, a little too active for me LOL. I was kinda wierded out and I laughed and breathed into his mouth! Ohh man it was hilarious I must admit, but definetly memorable.

30 Days of Blogging...Day 24 (01.09.11)

HOW WAS YOUR WEEK BEEN?

Well considering it was monday, not much had happened in the week yet. I'll just tell about my weekend. I SIGNED UP FOR A GYM! I was convinced to join this new gym and we went both saturday and sunday. I was scared at first, but it wasn't that bad. I kinda enjoyed feeling the burn...Initially..because now a day later, I was freaking sore that it hurt just to walk. But hopefully I can go back soon and get in the rhythm of going more often.

I also had a monetary scare because the stupid bank didn't make my deposited check from friday available in my account until tomorrow tuesday. I checked my balance and was freaked when I didn't see the money there. As you can imagine, I wasn't able to shop freely and confidently as I usually am able to. That part did suck.

30 Days of Blogging...Day 23 (01.08.2011)

POST YOUR CRUSHES.

• There is this 19 year old cutie who comes into town every few weeks/months and who I had lunch with once and got a hearty hug from him. I really liked this guy, but he's kinda been stand offish so I don't wanna put too much meaning into it if he doesn't. But I would like to have this crush explored more.
• I supppose you can call what I have with Hector somewhere between a crush and puppy love. I can't deny I have feelings for him, but it's not a dying-for-this-person kinda love. More like an intense crush that was fizzling strong but may be dying out soon.
• I still am in love with the first guy I ever was interested in (online guy). We still sometimes talk but it is less likely I will ever really be with him. He is still in the army and even when he leaves, his home is in CA and I'm in TX. But still, it is an ongoing crush.
• I saw this really hot tall well-built white guy at the gym...I could crush on him all day LMFAO!!! HaHaHa

30 Days of Blogging...Day 22 (01.07.11)

FIND A HOROSCOPE SITE AND POST YOURS

(Yahoo! daily horoscope for cancer, 01/07/2011)

Overview

Flexibility is essential to success today, so make sure you can bend and twist with the best of them. Once you've shown off your prowess, you should be able to ask a few key favors of the right people.

30 Days of Blogging...Day 21 (01.06.11)

HOW HAS YOUR LIFE CHANGED OVER THE PAST YEAR?

Well 2010 was a really good year over all for my self-esteem and social awakenings. I became more readily open to dating and even had an actual (short lived) relationship. I did more dating this past year than I ever did in my previous years put together (which was not much believe me). I began to feel ok wearing dresses, when before it was rare to see me in a dress. I began getting my hair styled/cut at a salon and leaving my hair down, when before I always had it tied back and/or in a braid. I met a guy and had a non-committed thing. It was wierd to explain but fun. I actually bought sexy lingerie, even though no one would probably see it but me. In general I became more girly and more comfortable with my sexuality. I finally saw myself as a woman and not a girl. I can't wait to see what new experiences, thrills and chills 2011 has in store for me!!!

30 Days of Blogging...Day 20 (01/05/11)

WHAT DID YOU EAT TODAY?

Well. In the morning I ate my special K cereal, for lunch I ate a salad I put together, after work I ate a piece of pizza and a lil later ate a 1/4 piece of a subway sandwich.

Mornings and luch I can control, its when I leave work and am home is when I eat the most.

30 Days of Blogging...Day 19 (01.04.11)

WRITE ABOUT YOUR LAST BIRTHDAY AND HOW YOU PLAN TO SPEND YOUR UPCOMING BIRTHDAY.

My last birthday was this past July. It was a typical small family gathering at my parent's house. I usually don't celebrate any birthdays by going out or having a huge party, I'm not like that, so it was nice to just have the family there. I wore a dress to the party and told everyone else to dress to impress...but none did LOL. Ohh well. That cake was really yummy by the way!

As to my upcoming birthday, I plan to possible do both the family gathering event that I normally do AND maybe go for a night out with someone. That is IF I am with anyone during that time. If not, then hopefully a friend will agree to go somewhere. I just want my birthday to be a fun filled one with my family and friends. What else could I ask for.

30 Days of Blogging...Day 18 (01.03.11)

POST ONE CONFESSION/SECRET.

Ummmmmmmmmmmmm.............

I never met my first boyfriend. I met him online, fell in love with him, but never got the chance to meet him.

30 Days of Blogging...Day 17 (01-02-11)

BULLET YOUR WHOLE DAY.

• woke up at 7:00 and went to mass at 8:30 with my parents, older sister, and niece
• ate Menudo and quesadillas at my parent's house til about 10:20
• at 10:40 picked up my niece and went shopping to Big Lots
• 12:15 went to Ross and didn't buy clothes (I was so proud of myself)
• 1:20 went to CVS pharmacy
• got home around 2:00 and put away purchases
• started a load of laundry around 2:30
• around 3:00 began sweeping, moping, and taking out trash
• 5:00 fed the cats
• ate chalupas with my parents at around 5:30
• picked up laundry from parent's dryer around 6:30
• began watching Watchmen on tv around 7:00
• went to pick up some Church's chicken for Hector around 7:50
• got back home and showered at around 8:30
• turned on my heater and turned on my computer around 9:00
• checked facebook and blogger around 9:20
• 9:42 pm to be exact in this moment, finishing this blog entry

30 Days of Blogging...Day 16 (01.01.11)

WRITE ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP STATUS

Well, this is a difficult question to tackle. Officially I am single, and have been single since around march 2010. Since then I have been seeing this one guy on and off again. We can go many days as if we were an actual couple, but then again we can also go several days without seeing each other or even talking to each other. See, we have never been anything official, so it's easy to just walk away sometimes. But because we have known each other for so long now, the longest any one of us has ever been talking to anyone else, there is undoubtedly some feelings present. At the beginning, we were both very honest and said we didn't want a serious relationship. But now, after all we have been through, I feel more attached to him than ever. I have even told him this, and still...he wants nothing. Or so he says. Everytime I go out or receive texts/calls from another guy, he gets jealous and wants to know every detail. And same with me, I admitedly get jealous when he talks to other girls.

This whole situation has made it hard for me to live a regular single life. I feel guilty everytime I have a date or hang out with someone else. I feel like I am cheating, even though we are not together. I care about him, and I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I don't want to get hurt either. Its un-healthy and I know it.


I think it would all be good again, if I just go back to being completely single. No more games with this guy. I need to slowly figure out what I am going to do. It's a new year, and I need to focus more on me rather than put so much emphasis on how lonely I am without him. I am ok with being alone for a while. If anything it would help me empower myself to think that I don't need a man in my life to make me feel happy.

30 Days of Blogging...Day 15 (12.31.10)

WRITE ABOUT SOMETHING YOU WORRY ABOUT A LOT.

I worry alot about alot of things. I'm somewhat of a worry wart. But most often than not, I worry about my financial security and what others think about me.

I had a scare this holiday season and my debit card was denied for lack of funds. AHHH thank God I had some cash on me. But that was soooo embarassing. That is why one of my new years resolution is to watch what I spend my money on and try to save as much as I can. It really would be a plus to see a bigger amount in my bank account.

Secondly, and I hate to admit this, but I do worry about what others think of me. I spent so many years without recieving any form of positive attention from anyone that I was sort of craving it for a while, and when I started to get some, It made me even more conscious of myself. I am always thinking, why doesn't anyone talk to me, or do I look approachable and nice. I suppose this is when I began wearing make up and doing my hair, just trying to look good when I can. It isn't a bad thing to take care of yourself, but I am trying to work on being comfortable in my bare skin without the added decoratory aspects.

30 Days of Blogging...Day 14 (12.30.10)

POST YOUR FAVORITE BOOK, FAVORITE MOVIE, FAVORITE BAND, AND FAVORITE FOOD.

Favorite Book:

sadly I haven't read enough books to say I am ga ga over any one book.

Favorite Movie:

Lord of the Rings trilogy just because I loved the whole story and mixture of fantasy creatures and beings and magical possibilites/powers with a story of human struggle and overcoming obstacles and fighting for what you believe in. LOL

(I know I am a dork)

Favorite Band:

At the moment, it is My Chemical Romance because I have been a fan since their first album and I love how every single album has been different. The songs are always full of energy and sang with full emotion. LOL. Yes, I'm an ex-emo kid.

Favorite Food:

For some reason, I just love love love chips and salsa. Especially the Guacamole salsa that my mom makes.. soo delicious LOL

30 Days of Blogging...Day 13 (retro-back 12.29.10)

WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR THE FUTURE? FAR AND NEAR

Well in the near future, I plan on working my butt off at work and saving my money and not spending it recklessly on items I don't need. I have learned from my holiday overspending and am decided to save up. I've put too much importance on the instant gratification of shopping and I am working on controlling that. LOL. Its a work in progress though.

In the far future, I plan to have 2 major responsibilities. School and a Relationship. I really do want to go back to school for something, so I hope to maybe be doing that sometime in the future. I also want to have found a special someone who I can spend my life with. Right now I don't have anything long term in my life, but that is ok because I am still working on improving myself. But it would be really nice to have someone to love and support you.

New Years Resolution

Welll...I am a very indecisive person and often get stuck in situations or in making life decisions. I think that is where I have been for a long time. Stuck in my current job, and stuck in my current relationship status.

I have always said my job was temporary, but it has become quite the heavy rock on my shoulders. I think I have settled for that job and just given up on any future advances in education. I like what I do, its easy and pays well. I just don't wanna be stuck in a job that I hate. Or if I do, I wanna be ok with that choice. I want to look into going back to college or taking some weekend classes if available. I just need to do something more, or at least accept my position.

I'm still sometimes seeing my past flame, even though we are currently not, nor have we ever been anything official. But there are still some feelings there, even though we both try to hide it from the other. It's obvious when he gets jealous of me going out with a guy friend, and I admit I have also been jealous of his girl friends. Hopefully this new year will have more clarity what we want out of this "thing" we have. I wonder if it's truly possible to stay friends with someone you have feelings for. Hopefully 2011 will shed some clarity into this situation.

I just want to be confident in my decisions and make the right decisions for me. I want to be happy and self confident in who I am. That's what I want for 2011.