30 Days of Blogging...Day 12 (12.28.10)

WRITE ABOUT THE WORST DAY OF YOUR LIFE?

I would have to say the worst day of my life was the day I found out about my grandmothers death. I had only ever known 1 grandparent and she passed away when I was 15. That day was heart breaking and hard to accept. I had so much anger and regret. Anger that she had to pass away while on a trip in Mexico, anger that she didn't get the proper health care she needed, anger that our family couldn't be there right there and then, and regret for never truly saying to her how much I really loved her. I was a very closed off person emotionally and never truly expressed how I felt. To this day, I am mad that I never truly expressed how much I loved her and appreciated her. I only pray that she knows how much I love her and miss her.

30 Days of Blogging...Day 11 (12.27.10)

WRITE ABOUT THE BEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE.

I think I would have to say the best day of my life was valentines day 2009 I believe, but only because it gave me the best feeling of my life. At the time, I was in an intense online-relationship with someone long distance in the army. (takes too long to explain the complexity of an online relationship) And on this particular V-day, we were talking on the phone and I remember clearly I was driving home from Wal-Mart and he randomly asked if I would marry him. I thought it was a joke but I could tell in his voice that he was sincere. It took me a while, but I basically said no and he got upset and I was afraid I had lost him for good. So when I got home, I called him and we talked and I explained my reasoning, and he told me he wasn't mad. To go from that heart-sinking feeling of maybe losing him to immense relief of still having him in my life was incredible. I literally felt my heart beat faster as we said we loved each other. I had never felt that way before, nor have I felt that way about anyone else ever since. It sounds cheesy, but I think I felt true Love for the first time on that day at that instance.

Laugh all you want at the sillyness of an online relationship, but that was something special that was REAL to me, even though it wasn't physically real. But it left an impact and a mark in my heart, so much that I consider that my best day ever.

30 Days of Blogging...Day 10 (12.26.10)

WHAT'S THE MEANEST THING ANYONE HAS EVER SAID TO YOU?

I had this one guy tell me I was a pathetic lonely worthless slut...I don't really wanna go into detail but he "liked" me, but never expressed it to me, and I began seeing someone else. Long story short, I think his hurt jealous ego wanted to make me feel bad about not waiting for him to grow a pair and tell me how he felt. I'm not a mind reader! He should have told me sooner. Ohh well. It definetly made me feel horrible about myself, but I think I've moved past it. His fault for lossing me.

30 Days of Blogging...Day 9 (12.25.10)

WHAT'S THE NICEST THING ANYONE HAS EVER SAID TO YOU?

I think the nicest thing I have been told on more than one occasion is that I am a good friend. That really means alot to me because once you have my friendship, my real true friendship, I will always be there for them.

The most unique and most recent nicest thing that I have been told, is that I am "preserved" and not corrupt by much of what the world is so full of. I was at first taken back by this comment, but I think it is something to be proud of. I know I have been sheltered and still am very new to alot of things, and I am slowly coming out of my shell. Baby steps!

But hopefully I can maintain my morality and values while trying to explore this world of ours.

NAVIDAD 2010!

Well it's Christmas (or at least it was 4 days ago) and it was a blast. In our family, we do Noche Buena the night before at my parents house with lots of food (mainly tamales) and just spending time together talking and gossiping and eatying. Then Christmas morning, they all come back to the parent's house and re-heat tamales and make champurrado (chocolate drink) and have someone dress up as Santa and give out the gifts to the kids. This year my sister-in-law dressed up as the jolly Santa and gave out the gifts. We have a big family so there are lots to open. I damn near went broke just buying them all something. But I like getting everyone something and making them feel special. I go through all the trouble buying everyone gifts, and all I get in return are a soap set, an ugly vest, and some jeans that are like 2 sizes too small. GREEAAATTTTT lol. But really, I'm not complaining. I'll just make them get me something I want later down the road hahah. All in all, it was a very good Christmas season full of cheer and yummy food and good conversations. Navidad 2010 is a success!

30 Days of Blogging...Day 8 (12.24.10)

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY? (December 24th, 2010)

Well that day was Christmas Eve/Noche Buena. My family is mexican so we do the whole Noche Buena gathering with all our family members and just eat, and talk, and eat! Very good combinations. As to how I FELT...I felt really girly. First of all, because I wore a dress and second of all, because I was the only one who was in a dress. LOL, I told everyone to dress up so we can pretend to be a fancy family, but Noooo they all came in jeans and some in pajamas LOL. Gotta love my family. But I wanted to look nice for once so I dressed up, and that always makes me feel special, even if it is only me who feels like that. I never really get any compliments from my family as to what I wear but I think I looked cute HAHA! So yeah...in a nutshell...I felt cute that night.

30 Days of Blogging...Day 7

POST YOUR FAVORITE QUOTE.

Well, it's kind of silly where it comes from, but it's from an old My Chemical Romance song
"You say you read me like a book, well the pages are all torn and frayed"

Basically, just cause you THINK you know me, does not mean you know the REAL me.
Yes I am a simple person on the outside, but I'm a complex person on the inside. And unless you take the time to really get to know me, then don't you dare pretend to know me. It's just kind of a "throw it in their face" kind of statement. One never truly stops learning things about someone.

30 Days of Blogging...Day 6

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE TRULY HONEST WITH SOMEONE? WHAT WAS IT ABOUT?

Well I suppose it must have been with Hector, they guy I had met randomly at the park and had been seeing off an on un-officially and had so much drama with. We were at a rough patch, and one day I was just pouring out all my feelings and thoughts and opinions and I was even getting emotional. I didn't hold back and said all I wanted. I was even surprised at myself how easily I said what I had held in for so long. Granted, his stupid ego was a barrier, but at least he heard what I had to say, and that always feels good. I could go into so much more detail, but it is somewhat personal and I don't feel like airing out my dirty laundry just yet. LOL
But yes...that was the last time I was truly honest..and it felt awesome!

30 Days of Blogging...Day 5

WRITE ABOUT A PERIOD OF TIME IN YOUR LIFE WHERE THINGS WERE NOT SO GOOD.

In my adolescent years, I think it was all of high school and some college. The educational aspect of school was good, learned alot. But the social and relationship stuff was absent. They say high school is the best years of your life? Well mine sucked. I was in a higher education magnet school program in my school, so we were basically separated from the rest of the "normal" kids. We basically stayed in the same group of students for most our classes and for all 4 years of high school. And within this isolated group, I was even more isolated. I of coarse attached myself to a group of friends, but I was more of the accuaintance, they all had their inside jokes or knew each other from way back and knew more about eachother than I did. I was just glad to have someone to sit with at lunch or for group work. Granted I didn't really try hard to get more involved or integrated in the group but I was just a really really quiet shy girl who stood in the back trying to avoid being seen. I was the ugly duckling who was ignored and just left alone most of the time. I wasn't picked on, but rather just left alone throughout college too. To feel invisible is the worst feeling ever, its like you don't even exist. Well I got through those years and still to this day haven't heard much from many of those old school mates. With the exception of one, Maria who I never knew we had so much in common. I think if I was more open back then and more comfortable with myself, we could have been better friends. She is still the only person from HS that I still talk to from time to time.

In my adult years...probably when my first boyfriend dumped me and every time a guy would cut me off or just stop talking to me. The feeling of rejection is horrible. I think everyone can attribute to that, its a part of life though. Gotta take the Good with the Bad. I just hope I get more of the Good soon...
I know I'm rambling now...so I'll just stop at that.

30 Days of Blogging...Day 4

WRITE ABOUT A PERIOD OF TIME IN YOUR LIFE WHERE THINGS SEEMED TO BE CONSTANTLY GOING GOOD.

Well I would have to say early childhood years when there were no worries about financial stability, education worries, relationship hardships, social busts, self esteem issues...everything was about having fun learning and playing, believing anything was possible and just being an innocent without knowing the harshness of the real world.


In my adult years, I guess it would have to say this year as a whole. This year I really started to open up to people and let my inner self out. I finally allowed myself out of my shell and I started dating. Had a lot of first experiences. I had my first real boyfriend. I started to wear dresses which was very rare before. I began to let my hair down, literally; I always used to tie it back or in a braid or bun. I began going to a salon to have it styled and cut so it has shape to it. I started walking more in the spring/summer and trying to watch what I eat more. I even lost a few pounds. I began buying more girly clothes. I enjoy shopping now when before it was just a chore. I really learned alot about myself this year...best one so far. Can't wait to see what is in store for me in 2011!

30 Days of Blogging...Day 3

IF YOU ONLY HAD 24 HOURS TO LIVE, WHAT WOULD YOU WANT TO DO?

Well I suppose I'd wanna spend my time in a loving environment and without any drama or worries. I would wanna be with a special someone who can just hold me and make it feel like bliss being in their arms. Sadly, I still haven't met my prince charming yet, but I'd wanna spend my time with someone who makes me feel special and wanted and loved. And not just the family/friend kind of love, I want to feel LOVE for real. I have spent so many years without romantic affection, that it is what I long for the most. I want the feeling to be mutual too. Both of us loving the other. It might sound like a little girls dream like when I used to play with my Barbies and they each lived happily ever after...well I wanna experience that. Unrealistic as it is, it is how I'd wanna spend my last hours feeling.

Family Fun Night

Last night was my niece's 20th birthday. We did a last minute celebration involving Posole (yumm) AND Mcdonalds chicken nugets and fries AND frozen fruit salad AND tres-leches cake AND wine coolers. What can I say...It was a hell of a lot better than staying home alone watching tv. Everytime all our family gets together, it is a good time. Especially the ladies of the family. My sisters and nieces and mother and I. We were all sitting at the dinner table eating cake and drinking wine coolers and laughing about silly things and making silly comments. HAHAHAH always a very interesting but quite fun time.

These are my 2 oldest nieces. The 3 of us together always calls for a fun silly time. Yes I am wearing a santa hat, and my niece is wearing a pink cowboy hat...lol random!

30 Days of Blogging...Day 2

Write about the best friends you've had over the years.

Well sadly enough, I don't think I have ever had a true best friend since maybe elementary school. I had acquaintances and people I knew just because we were in the same classes, but never a BFF that you confide in and tell secrets too and spend time together all the time. The closest thing I have to a best friend is an online friend Alexandra who is in Florida...yet I am in Texas. LOL yeah it's only a virtual friendship, but I've known that girl for years now and we are so much alike in our personalities and mannerisms. I've confided in her all my secrets and I trust her with them. And she is never judgemental and always suppportive and understands my often critical point of view. She is like my twin sister...from another mother and another ethnicity and born a few years after me and born in another state HAHAH.
Gotta love the internet!

Other than that, I would have to say my mom is like my best friend because she is always there to give advice on anything I ask her about and always gossiping and joking. she knows when to interfere or when to back off issues. She has seen my good and my bad, and always gives her honest opinion. I think a good friend would always be brutally honest, and trust me she is. LOL. She'll tell me to chase after someone or to drop someone like a bad habit. I may not always follow her advice, but it's good to always have someone else's point of view in a situation. Thanks Mommy!

30 Days of Blogging...Day 1

Ok, so I found this blog challenge...


Day 1.

Post 15 facts about yourself.

1. I am 5' 6.5"

2. I love Mexican Food...cause it's my heritage

3. I don't like to wear heels, I always feel like I'm gonna fall

4. I don't like sweets very much....sour/bitter = YUMMY

5. I was a nerd in high school/college...still kinda am

6. I like WWE wrestling!

7. I don't know how to swim

8. I love spicy guacamole/salsa and chips

9. I had my first boyfriend at age 25 :/

10. I've never been drunk, slightly lightheaded but not drunk!

11. I like watching spanish novelas...so cheesy yet ohh so romanticos

12. I've been in a mini mosh pit at warped tour and I liked it

13. I love music...all kinds, all rhythms

14. I don't know how to dance

15. I don't have any tattoos but I secretly want one :)

back...

Well people, I keep abandoning this poor lil blog, because nothing of worthy has really happened in my life. I'm still single, but I'm ok with that. I ended a friendship-type thing with a guy, it was hard to do but had to be done for personal reasons. Work is stable and steady which is good for financial reasons. And I had to cut back on my personal spending because of christmas. I'm nearly done with all my christmas shopping so I can go back to shopping for me again (*insert big smile here*)

Today is also my niece's 20th birthday and my nephew's 22nd birthday. Gosh! I feel so old LOL but its cool, they are more like friends to me. My nephew is in the military and is currently in Afghanistan and will be there well into the new year. It is really sad not to be with him this year. But as long as I know he is safe and sound, then I am ok with it, and we will make it up to him and celebrate when he comes home!

Well that is it for now. If we end up celebrating my niece's birthday today, it would just be me and my 17 year old niece and her. Soooooo...wild girls night! LOL. I'll tell yall how it goes if anything happens.
Until next time...

Looking Forward

So I know it has been a while since I last logged on this site, but I just haven't had much to talk about. Work is the same and family is the same. The only thing that has happened is Thanksgiving which came and went, and brought my battle with weight control to the front of the table. This season is the worst for my waistline LOL. Come on...Turkey, hams, tamales, bunuelos, champurrado, candies of all sorts...ughhh breaking a diet never felt so good [:

As for relationships, I'm single. Although once again, I like someone but I'm just really scared to pursue anything due to my past experiences. He hasn't made any effort to really hang out with me either so I'm guessing he just likes me as a friend, which is ok I guess. How does one know when to chase a guy. I hate doing it, but sometimes its necessary. I'm just really scared to get hurt again. I think I'll just follow his lead and be friends.
I have never been in a relationship during the holidays and I wished this year to be different, but only time can tell what happens.

I hate to be sounding like a whiny biatch on here, but it helps me release tension and express myself :]

Hopefully, I will be able to celebrate the season in a MERRY mood and get back to being the Merry ME. I am looking forward to my niece's 20th birthday, then Noche Buena with family, Christmas Day, and New Years with them all. I will try and make the most of it and end this year with a positive attitude. I will even try and look cute while doing it LOL.

Hoping everyone out there is doing good and is staying joyful during this happy season.